Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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