I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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