nut hugger
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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