Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
