then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
