Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
