the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
