Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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