yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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