Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
