So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
