So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
