I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
