I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
