i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
