its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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