I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
