Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
