hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
