beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone came in the potted fern
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
