I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
