i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
