oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
