I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you had me at cake vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
