so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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