i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
