hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
