Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
