Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
