He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
