i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
