My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
