I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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