i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
