hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
