And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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