I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
