So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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