I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
