Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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