He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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