well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
