OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
