Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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