I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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