Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
