My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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