Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
