he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love you. Go after that dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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