I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
